"Just one of those days."

Hello, dear reader.

I woke-up pissed this morning. I was having a dream in which Sarah Palin wanted someone to shoot a raccoon for her, and I guess I wasn't having it.

It sucks that it is so closed to Christmas and I am in the worst mood ever. I just want to talk to someone, but it seems as though none of my friends have any drama in their lives whatsoever, leaving me unsympathizable. Not only that, I don't want to be a Debbie Downer. Who am I to ruin any one's good mood?

Honestly, I really only want to talk to one person... **sigh**

I'm not looking forward to Christmas this year. I mean, I'm looking forward to giving presents--I went all out this year!--but just the "getting together" part is gonna suck. Awkward. Utterly awkward. And depressing.

Things have never been the same since Granny D died. She was the staple that held my mom's side of the family together. Is it bad to miss someone for selfish reasons? I miss her because she was an amazing woman of God, who raised 13 kids without a formal education, and who managed to go to church whenever the doors were open... But I also miss her because of the holidays spent in her tiny trailer. Thanksgivings, and Christmases, and Easters. Everyone would gather at her little single-wide, people overflowing onto the patio... and somehow we always made it work.

And now what? We don't have get-togethers, and if we do, they're always a shadow-self of what they once were. A blurred representation of images long-passed, never to be seen again through clear lenses.

I miss the individuals who have changed since her passing. Is it possible to grieve for someone who isn't dead? Christmas should be interesting this year. And you, my dear reader, will hear all about it if, for nothing else, my own sanity.